Resisting The Pushback
Do you want a challenging class?” The instructor asked. Normally, I wouldn’t have to think before saying yes. However, on this day there was a hesitation in my breath that shocked me and left me feeling taken aback. Of course I wanted a challenging class. Why did my thoughts stumble on the idea? Surely I wanted to deepen my practice. I wanted to get stronger. I wanted to push myself. I wanted to work hard. I wanted to get more flexible. I wanted to be more present. I wanted to have a great workout.
My mind flashed back to an experience I had earlier in the day when I was trying to fix an issue with my computer. The kids were crying simultaneously because I wasn’t playing with them. There was an inner tug of war going on in my head; of course the kids come first and so I wanted to drop my focus on the computer glitch to soothe them, but at the same time I didn’t want to provide an example of quitting something before it was fixed. I wanted to show them that I was confidently working hard to find a solution, and not getting tripped up in the struggle.
Looking back for that nanosecond on my mat, it hit me. It’s not that I didn’t want to struggle physically… It’s that I didn’t want to struggle MENTALLY. I didn’t want to experience the psychological frustration of wrestling with a pose or a transition that I didn’t quite have perfected yet. I didn’t want to FEEL like I COULDN’T do something. In essence- I didn’t want my MIND to be uncomfortable.
The truth is, you have to be uncomfortable in order to grow in any way, shape or form. You have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Skipping the uncomfortable phase means there is no foundation and thus, a tree grows without roots that is capable of tipping over at any moment.
It’s easier to be in a state of infancy in areas of life that we are passionate about because we are connected to our long term vision. If it’s an area with an unknown outcome there is a tendency to push away the discomfort, shove it under a rug and think about it later. It’s important to connect the dots in the darkness that will lead us to the light.
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